Everything’s Getting On My Nerves!!!!!

I love people. I love being around people. I don’t mind being alone, but I really enjoy good conversations. I’m interested in every single human being (interested as in “wanting to know their stories and thoughts and why do they think what they think”). It’s just that lately everything’s been getting on my nerves. It’s like everything people say or do irritates the crap out of me. Do you ever have those days when you’d just make a list of people who annoy you and you just try to arrange them from the most annoying to the less annoying and then you realize that everyone around is just so annoying that you can’t choose so you just write above “IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER”??. Have you ever done this? No, me neither. It’s just my head that’s been keeping on being too sensitive to that kind of shit. I don’t if it’s just a phase or the fact that I’m growing older. I guess it’s important to say that I’m in a new class now and I literally don’t know like 75% of them. Normally I’d be really excited and “can’t wait” to get to know them but all I want to do right now is to hold up my middle finger. Or like holding a huge middle finger sign so everybody can see it.

but, I’m still me. I’ve made new friends and they’re amazing. we’ve got actually really close in the last couple of weeks. Not like very very close that you’d ask yourself if it’s normal to be telling those people who were couple weeks ago strangers to you, everything about you, but it’s just that kind of friendship when you say something and they’re like: “oh, me too”. So that’s a good thing, I guess.

Do you ever just hate everything about the people around you and just everything gets on your nerves? Will it ever go away or is it just the beginning?

xxxxx

Things!!!

Whenever I post something new on here, I always tell myself that I should be active here. I guess, you can already tell that I’m not really religious on updating my blog. It’s not like I don’t want to, or I don’t love writing anymore or I’m running out of thoughts. Maybe it’s the latter. See, I never run out of thoughts. I think a lot and I always have a thing in my mine to keep me occupied. It’s just that whenever I want to write something, I get that writer’s block (except, I’m no writer)

I do still right in my diary. I’m just not sure if people want to read it. I like to write the most when I’m sad and I don’t want to bore people. I don’t know if it’s a good thing to sugarcoat everything that goes wrong in your life with smiles and acting happy because eventually something will happen and it’ll be inevitable to not break down in tears (at least in my case)

I want to dedicate an hour a week to The Diana Diaries. It is a huge part of my life, given that I have a lot (when I say a lot, I really mean a lot) of posts. they’re still unpublished though. I just don’t know how to wrap them up.

So that’s a wrap! 😉

The Boyfriend Dilemma!

Whenever I run into an old friend whom I haven’t spoken to for a while, they always ask me the same old question: “Hey, Diana! do you have a boyfriend?” not just old friends though. Sometimes, I’d be talking to someone and then he/ she, just out of the blue, brings up the whole boyfriend thing. I’d usually play it cool (OK, I don’t. I can’t play it cool, because I’m a mess and I’d talk about boyfriends the one second and bring up the dinosaurs the other one. I just try. Try to play it cool) I’d normally say that everyone is taken and all that jazz. But I never really say that I don’t want to. Of course, it’s not like people are queuing for days to get the chance to ask me out. I mean, I’d be happy if someone would notice me or would still like me even after knowing that I can be a bit (?!!!!) weird. But can’t a girl in her late teenage years choose to be alone? See, I’ve been trying to discover who I am and who I want to be for years now. I’ve figured out that I’d rather be alone than to settle down for the wrong person. i know what you’re thinking: “who’s the right person then?” I guess, it’ll feel right then. And there might just as well be no right person for me! but who cares? if it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be.

I’m really happen, though, to make such a choice. Remember years ago when you’d do anything to get a boyfriend because all of your friends had one? Remember when you just wanted to get your first kiss over with someone so you can finally say that you’ve had your first kiss? Well, i guess everyone had been there. That’s why I’m happy to take the time for myself, to be myself and to not pressure myself to do certain things.

xxx

Be happy with what you’ve got

“for i have learned to be content with whatever the circumstances.” -Philippians 4:11

So, i was reading the bible, which I’ve not been doing a lot lately *sad face*, then i came across a highlighted verse (read the verse i quoted above). Though they’re only 11 words, they encompass so much! See, some people have it all, while others don’t, but this has nothing to do with happiness; being happy is when you’re content with everything that you have and go through. Believe that whatever happens is for your own sake.

I, myself, am a perfectionist. It’s really difficult for perfectionists to be content: ’cause everything “could have been better” and there’s always something better. If this sounds familiar, then you’re a perfectionist too and you know how this can impact your life negatively and positively (we’ll get to the positive aspects later in another post, I hope) but lately I’ve been trying to see the good in everything and be thankful for everything and it has changed me, changed my stubborn mind. It takes a little time (not really, sometimes it takes a lot) but you’ll get the hang of it eventually, i’m sure of it! 😉

think positive! xxx

Let It Go!!!

First off, happy anniversary to my blog! It’s been a year since i created this blog.

Second, I’ve been feeling really down lately. Do you ever just feel down because of a stupid little thing and then everything goes wrong because you can’t keep your mind off that thing? well, then you get me. You understand how frustrating it is when you tell your mind that life goes on but your mind wouldn’t believe that.

But here’s what! Sometimes things do go wrong and if every time something goes wrong, we’d drop everything and mourn that thing then that won’t be life. That is not what life is meant for! Life is all about the ups and downs and i know that you’ve heard that jazz so many times that it no longer has a impact on you but it’s real #WelcomeToLife!

Just let go of anything that brings you down!

(bonus story: once i felt really down and i was about to cry (And you know me, i never cry #haha :P) and then i talked to someone and she was like let it go and then she started singing “let it go” (the song from Frozen) and henceforth i sing that song every time i get upset 🙂 just wanted to share that)

xxxx

Oh no, no valentine on valentines day!!!

Valentine’s day is one of the most depressing days of the year! And no it’s not because it marked this year the 19th anniversary of “my loneliness”. It’s just that my Facebook wall was filled with love messages, hearts pictures and all that jazz. What really get on  my nerves, are those people who can’t stop posting things about how lonely they are as if they’ve never stopped and thought about that till NOW. 

Valentine’s day doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to have a lover or something. If you do, then it’s your day to celebrate it (even though I believe that love can always be celebrated and one doesn’t have to wait till the fourteenth of February to buy his or her loved one roses and chocolate boxes) but for those who don’t: it’s not a big deal. It’s really not the end of the world. It’s just a very normal day. It’s like Easter to non-Christians, you hear about it but you don’t have a reason to celebrate. You don’t have to get so upset about it and tweet or Facebook about it and drive me mad with all your stupid “no one loves me” posts (if you’re younger than 13 I’d probably block you :/)

Anyway, here’s why the so-called “nobody loves me” posts drive me crazy. I’ve never been that kind of girl who’s always been in a relationship. I don’t even remember the last time I’ve talked to a guy as a boyfriend. Some people think that I’m heartless or something because I’ve never been big on having a boyfriend. But here’s the truth about me: for a while, I was anti-having-a-boyfriend, that had to do with my mentality back then (I’m really happy though that I thought about relationships like that, because I had the chance to discover who I really am without any external influences) But now, given that I’m 19 now and I’m no longer that young anymore, I think that it’s sweet to have a “guy” in my life, but it’s not the end of the world if I don’t. I’ll never visit those dating websites, and I’ll never force myself to fall in love, but if someone comes along the way then he’s welcome, I guess.

Hereby, I want to emphasize that I’m happy with my life and one of the things that I’ve learned during the last 19 years, is that happiness depends on you and you’re the only person who gets to choose happiness and no one or nothing can change that. Don’t always attach your happiness to people or tangible things. Love will come, if it’s meant to be. But maybe some people are meant to stay alone. Maybe it brings out the best in them. Maybe I’m one of those people and maybe you’re too, who knows? I guess, all we can do now is waiting! But till then, always be happy J

(Can you count how many times I used the word “happy”? because I’ve lost count of that, a long while ago)

That’s all folks,

xxx

life update

Hey hey,

It’s been a while since the last tine I blogged something (and it was about my secret crush on someone) and I know that I’m a shitty blogger for I never make time to sit down and blog things. Well, it’s not that I don’t want to make time, but I’ve been really busy the last couple of weeks (plain old excuse!!) and I know that I’m always busy (duh, who’s not) but I will try to be a “committed blogger”. Because I love my blog. and I love whoever reads it 🙂 (yes, you, I love you)

Anyway, let’s see what has changed from the last time I blogged something (it was on the 24th of November 2014, I guess). Well, I turned 19 on the first of January and I’ve been feeling happy lately (don’t ask me why, I don’t know it either). However, I’ve been avoiding listening to the news, it’s just so depressing. Crazy what some people can do to harm the world. I actually don’t think that I’ll miss this world if I’m going to die any moment now. I mean, there are cool things about being alive. I love my family and friends. I love coffee and early morning runs on Saturdays. I love life. But when I look at the world and how shitty creatures we are, I no longer think earth is a nice place to live on.

Another thing that’s been going on my mind: growing old. I’d just said that I turned 19 couple of weeks ago, and I guess I’m no longer a teenager (well, technically I am, but I just don’t feel like I’m a teenager anymore) which means I’m over and done with a very important phase in my life. I’m growing older. There’s nothing wrong about that, after all it’s the circle of life. But the other day mom told me that I should “live my life” and enjoy being young. She wants me to go out more and have more fun instead of spending Friday nights in my bed watching Once Upon A Time. This got me thinking (a lot) and mom is right, I should make more time for fun things and worry less. But for starters, I really don’t mind spending Fridays in my bed reading a book or watching a movie or something. After all, it’s the only day (uhm, night) that I can spend with myself. Besides that, I love going out and do crazy stuff every now and then, but not every single weekend. And last but not least, I love what I’m doing. If it’s school, work or any other “Diana” thing. so, I guess I’m happy with my life.

that’s all folks (for now)

xx

I’m gushing over someone, oops!

One of the scariest things about having a blog, what i think at least, is that the whole world (including people you know) might read whatever you write. That’s why till now I have talked little about my personal life. But today I’ll break the rule because I have a confession: I have a crush on someone (hush!). Yes people i like someone, and no I haven’t told him and not planning on doing that. Why? Well, mainly because my life is a mess and I don’t want it to get messier. What if he says “Girl, I’ve been waiting on you to say those words, because honestly i can’t get you out of my mind.” And i realize that guys don’t say such things and that this whole scenario will never take place in real life. But let’s assume that it happens, and then!! I don’t have time for this (or is it just an excuse that i make up??)

But deep down inside, I’m kinda afraid. Afraid of rejection. No I’ve never been rejected, but I have rejected people. And again, no I’m not arrogant and full of myself or whatever. It just that those people who were rejected by me, weren’t “the one”, i guess. It never felt right. I never wanted to get into something that would lead to nothing. So I just tell them to stay friends, which only adds insult to the injury :|. Anyway that’s my mentality and that’s how i think about relationships. But it has also made me fear rejection. What if I tell someone that I like him and he thinks that I’m not “the one”. I know that this sounds silly, but that’s how I’ve been spending life: rejecting and being afraid of getting rejected!

today is my lucky day, is it yours too?

I believe in many things. I believe in God, in love, in happiness, compassion, humanity and many things. One thing I don’t believe in is luck. Yes people, according to what I think, luck doesn’t exist.

Luck, was and still is, a subject of discussions. People believed that some people are luckier than others. In many cultures they wear those little blue eyes accessories. Some think that a clover can bring you luck. But I have a whole other theory. According to my theory, luck depends on you and how you think. If you consider yourself lucky then you’ll just overlook all the bad things that happens to you and only open your eyes to the good thing,and of course vice versa.

I’m not the only one who thinks like that. Actually it’s not just a thought, it’s a scientifically proved theory. Richard Wiseman, probably you’ve heard of him but for those who haven’t yet, is a psychologist and he’s been trying to figure out the science behind luck for years. Finally he found out that it has nothing to do with karma or anything else. It’s just that some people (read: lucky people) think and behave in such a way that brings them luck and fortune. He’s written a book and, you guessed it, it’s about luck. The book is called Luck Factor: Changing Your Luck, Changing Your Life: The Four Essential Principles.  I’m not going to go in deep about the book because i personally haven’t read it (yet), but i just was so happy to know that there’s a scientifically proved evidence that supports my theory.

I’ve always considered myself to be lucky, even though i’m not the smartest, i’m not popular, i’m not rich and i don’t have actually anything to be lucky (according to people’s definition of luck) but i’m happy with what i have and to be honest i don’t really care about money and popularity that much. But I’ve observed that when i wake up and don’t remind myself that that day will be a happy/my lucky day then almost nothing goes right.(read: https://thedianadiaries.wordpress.com/2014/05/10/a-lesson-in-happiness/ )

The point here: please, please, please, for your own sake stop blaming everything on luck. luck doesn’t exist. just learn to live and be happy with what you have.

The Element of Spontaneity!

The cool thing about keeping a journal, is that you’re able to look at the things that saddened you through the years and of course the things that made you happy. The things that amazed and surprised you. Every now and then, I pick up an old journal of mine when I was 15, 16 or even last year’s journal. One of the things that I’ve written about frequently is “expectations”. Anticipating things. Funny how everything we think about, all the conversations that we make in our head, and the perfect moments, never actually happen in real life. And when you’re totally not thinking about any of that and just being a floating sponge, as I call it, things happen. When I say things, I guess you understand what I mean, because we’ve all been through it, even if the things that I’m talking about aren’t the same as yours.

That’s why I’ve been slowly but surely kind of adapting the “element of spontaneity” in my life. With the element of spontaneity I mean, when you just leave things as they are and if they’re meant to happen than they will happen and if they’re not then you won’t end up being disappointed because you didn’t expect anything in the first place 🙂

just let coincidence play its part.