Image

I’m gushing over someone, oops!

One of the scariest things about having a blog, what i think at least, is that the whole world (including people you know) might read whatever you write. That’s why till now I have talked little about my personal life. But today I’ll break the rule because I have a confession: I have a crush on someone (hush!). Yes people i like someone, and no I haven’t told him and not planning on doing that. Why? Well, mainly because my life is a mess and I don’t want it to get messier. What if he says “Girl, I’ve been waiting on you to say those words, because honestly i can’t get you out of my mind.” And i realize that guys don’t say such things and that this whole scenario will never take place in real life. But let’s assume that it happens, and then!! I don’t have time for this (or is it just an excuse that i make up??)

But deep down inside, I’m kinda afraid. Afraid of rejection. No I’ve never been rejected, but I have rejected people. And again, no I’m not arrogant and full of myself or whatever. It just that those people who were rejected by me, weren’t “the one”, i guess. It never felt right. I never wanted to get into something that would lead to nothing. So I just tell them to stay friends, which only adds insult to the injury :|. Anyway that’s my mentality and that’s how i think about relationships. But it has also made me fear rejection. What if I tell someone that I like him and he thinks that I’m not “the one”. I know that this sounds silly, but that’s how I’ve been spending life: rejecting and being afraid of getting rejected!

Advertisements
Image

today is my lucky day, is it yours too?

I believe in many things. I believe in God, in love, in happiness, compassion, humanity and many things. One thing I don’t believe in is luck. Yes people, according to what I think, luck doesn’t exist.

Luck, was and still is, a subject of discussions. People believed that some people are luckier than others. In many cultures they wear those little blue eyes accessories. Some think that a clover can bring you luck. But I have a whole other theory. According to my theory, luck depends on you and how you think. If you consider yourself lucky then you’ll just overlook all the bad things that happens to you and only open your eyes to the good thing,and of course vice versa.

I’m not the only one who thinks like that. Actually it’s not just a thought, it’s a scientifically proved theory. Richard Wiseman, probably you’ve heard of him but for those who haven’t yet, is a psychologist and he’s been trying to figure out the science behind luck for years. Finally he found out that it has nothing to do with karma or anything else. It’s just that some people (read: lucky people) think and behave in such a way that brings them luck and fortune. He’s written a book and, you guessed it, it’s about luck. The book is called Luck Factor: Changing Your Luck, Changing Your Life: The Four Essential Principles.  I’m not going to go in deep about the book because i personally haven’t read it (yet), but i just was so happy to know that there’s a scientifically proved evidence that supports my theory.

I’ve always considered myself to be lucky, even though i’m not the smartest, i’m not popular, i’m not rich and i don’t have actually anything to be lucky (according to people’s definition of luck) but i’m happy with what i have and to be honest i don’t really care about money and popularity that much. But I’ve observed that when i wake up and don’t remind myself that that day will be a happy/my lucky day then almost nothing goes right.(read: https://thedianadiaries.wordpress.com/2014/05/10/a-lesson-in-happiness/ )

The point here: please, please, please, for your own sake stop blaming everything on luck. luck doesn’t exist. just learn to live and be happy with what you have.

Image

The Element of Spontaneity!

The cool thing about keeping a journal, is that you’re able to look at the things that saddened you through the years and of course the things that made you happy. The things that amazed and surprised you. Every now and then, I pick up an old journal of mine when I was 15, 16 or even last year’s journal. One of the things that I’ve written about frequently is “expectations”. Anticipating things. Funny how everything we think about, all the conversations that we make in our head, and the perfect moments, never actually happen in real life. And when you’re totally not thinking about any of that and just being a floating sponge, as I call it, things happen. When I say things, I guess you understand what I mean, because we’ve all been through it, even if the things that I’m talking about aren’t the same as yours.

That’s why I’ve been slowly but surely kind of adapting the “element of spontaneity” in my life. With the element of spontaneity I mean, when you just leave things as they are and if they’re meant to happen than they will happen and if they’re not then you won’t end up being disappointed because you didn’t expect anything in the first place 🙂

just let coincidence play its part.

Image

I’m a WARRIOR!!

To start off, i’d like to talk about this post’s image, just in case you like it. Years ago, i used to endlessly play dress up games. dolldivine was one of my favorite sites. There’s this cool warrior maker game, so when i thought about writing this post, i decided to make a warrior that looks (just a little bit) like me. So this is basically me, as a cartoon 🙂 i wish if i had that body though :/

As a kid, i used to think that a warrior is someone who always has a spear in her hands and wearing only small pieces of leather. Someone who lives in the wild. And to be honest i wanted to be a warrior, but i didn’t know how! Given the fact, that i live in a city and I’ve never killed an animal. Little did i know, because everybody can simply be a warrior. A warrior is basically  a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness, as in politics or athletics (according to dictionary.reference.com/)

Someone who shows a great vigor or courage! Isn’t that what everyone is doing to survive. I don’t know about you but what i everyday go through is like going through hell. Don’t understand me wrong, my life isn’t that bad or “full of hardships”. See, the hell that i have to go through everyday isn’t everyday as hot, it varies from day to another.  But in general, almost eveyday i have to remind myself that quitting isn’t an option and i can’t spend my life in bed crying. My life, as an outsider, a foreigner, isn’t that easy. integrating in a whole new society isn’t that easy. Especially for me, being the sensitive person i am, makes it only harder for me. If you’ve ever had to live somewhere else than your own country where you’d lived just all your life, then you’ll know what i mean. It’s not like i wish if i could just delete this chapter from my life and start all over again with a new life. A new me. On the contrary, i love that feeling when you lie in bed and be like “i survived today, i can go through tomorrow”. I love being a warrior.

I know that everybody has got different things to go through but i guess everybody has got something that makes life just a little bit difficult, but those things are the things that makes us stronger. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

Image

Finding Balance

There are seven days in a week. Everyday I have to get up early and rush to get ready to start another day of rushing and wondering when I’ll get everything done so I can just throw myself onto my bed. The same thing everyday. It’s only on Fridays when I get to do all the things I love. But lately I haven’t had the time to enjoy that “me time”. Well, I’m not some busy businesswomen with a black leather case and have to get to meetings every other hour. I’m just a normal person like anybody else, and like everybody I have a lot of things to do in as little time as possible. Some people are just better at having that control over their lives. Finding that balance. The balance between work, school, family and friends, and fun.

I, for example, wasn’t born with superpowers like spending so little time on things and yet get them perfectly done. I’ve tried many times to plan everything ahead and write it neatly in to-do-lists. But when the time comes to do all those things i always get distracted by other things, like watching video’s on you tube or read a newspaper or cooking something or even watching a fly on my window. See, here’s the problem, i get distracted easily.

I wonder if it has to do with our modern lifestyle. With all that time-consuming technology that we have that was actually meant to help us get our work done but we use it to distract us and waste our  time.

I wonder if cavemen had the same problems. Or did they just have a repetitive routine? I wonder if their lives were much easier than ours. Or maybe we’re too spoiled, nagging about the things that we don’t have and once we get them, we start complaining about them.

If you’ve ever read any of my posts, you’d notice that I never talk about something, a problem, without giving the answer. For I believe that you can never have a problem without a solution. That’s just me! I’m a person that can never get some rest without finding the “answers”. This time is an exception. I simply couldn’t find a way to use time efficiently. I still don’t know how to stick to my plans. I still don’t know how to not let panic take over my thoughts when I’m supposed to get things done. There might be a way, there has to be a way somewhere out there, to find balance in life. But till then I guess I have to deal with the mess that I have and call it a life.

There’s no perfect moment!

I don’t know if you have already noticed this, but English isn’t my mother language. Even though i fell in love with this language when i was only 7 , it doesn’t change the fact that I’m not a native English speaker. I’ve actually never been in an English-speaking country. In 2011 i met an Australian couple and after talking with them for a while they told me that my English was pretty good for someone my age. It’s needless to say that hearing what the Australian couple said made my day. But I’ve never said to myself: ” Diana, you’ve learned a lot and now you’ve got to stop”. Because now, three years later, I still think that my English isn’t as good as I want it to be. So when I decided that I want to make a blog, I did hesitate. I thought that maybe I’ll make mistakes. I just wanted to wait till my English gets better. But i guess, there’ll never be a time when I’ll be like: ” I’ve reached the language level that I’ve always wanted to reach”. So on the 27th of April 2014, I did it. I created this blog. And I’ve been the happiest since then. I know that having a little blog with less than 25 posts isn’t a big of a deal, but it means a lot to me. At least now I get to write about everything I want, and I don’t have to keep it all in my little pink diary. others can read it too. I also got to know many other bloggers and i really love reading their posts.

So now back on our “There’s no perfect moment” subject. There were so many times when I knew that I had to do something but I just did not, because I was too afraid to mess it up. I thought that I might just as well wait till I get a better opportunity to do it. But guess what? most of the time I didn’t get a better chance. Life is unpredictable, so are people. And if you want to live without regrets, then take risks and don’t worry about the consequences. I’m by no mean saying that living a reckless life is the key, but most of the times it’s our fears that hold us back from doing great things. So if it’s not a life or death situation, then why not just do it! What’s the worse that can happen? At least you won’t have to deal with all the “what if i had done that” for the rest of your life.

elbert-hubbard-quote