Disclaimer: I never really use words like badass (unless I’m really pissed off). Such words just don’t flow out of my mouth. But now I just want to sound a little bit “bad”, I guess.
To start off, I have to tell you something about me, and don’t worry I’ll (try to) keep it short. I’d not describe myself as the nicest person ever. I’m by no means an angel. But sometimes, I can be too nice. I can really overdo being nice. It’s not what I say about myself, it’s mostly what people around me say. Because most of the time I just do it unconsciously. I mean you don’t just all of a sudden act nicely towards people, it’s just who you are and what you’ve always been. unfortunately not everyone has appreciated my “niceness”. I mean, I don’t want people to bow down to me and buy me tiaras and things (you know, what beauty queens wear) with “this is the nicest person ever” on it. All I want from others to treat me as they’re being treated and not go and talk behind my back about how nice and fake I am. I mean that what you can always expect from being too nice. People will use you and your “niceness”
So I decided to take another approach and to be the opposite of who I am. I simply wanted to be a badass. You know, like those people in movies with black leather jackets and black boots and things. I thought that if I’ll change myself and be someone else. Someone who never cares for others. Then I might just feel happier and confident and not an idiot. It seemed like being mean is the answer to my problems, well, little did I know! So I just looked up everywhere on the internet for tips. Tips on how to become “bad”. I think it’s needless to say that after an hour I declared my failure. I guess you can’t change who you are that easily. All the tips that I’d found, felt so wrong. It just didn’t feel like me.
Thinking back, I really didn’t need to spend so much time looking for tips to be someone I’m not. all I’ve ever needed is to learn how to stand up for myself and learn how to say NO. Standing up for yourself is crucial. It’ll not make people dislike you, it’ll just show them that you’ll able to defend yourself. And if anyone will say that you’re way too bitchy, will that ever change anything in your life? You’re just trying to stand up for yourself and there’s certainly nothing wrong about it. Saying NO to people is hard for me, because I like helping people. But I guess there’s a difference between saying no to people in need and saying no to those who are trying to use you. I struggled, and still I am, with those two points, but I guess I’m still learning.